Dear Margot… I’ve lately been feeling interested in a guy but I’m a lesbian but I also feel that I wouldn’t label myself as a bisexual, because then I feel subjected to like guys but I really don’t like guys that much as I do women and this is the first guy I’ve been interested in a while after a traumatic experience with a guy and I don’t know what to really do with this and I really like this guy but don’t know how to pursue this guy? How do I get more comfortable with liking guys?
Dear Submitter: Sexuality is really fluid and there’s no right or wrong answer! It’s perfectly valid to explore your feelings. I myself am bisexual and when I was first figuring it out, it was a long process of trying to pinpoint my exact feelings. If labeling yourself as bisexual doesn’t feel right, then you don’t have to adopt it. Really, you have the option of not labeling yourself at all!
Also, being bi doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to like guys. If there’s one guy you like, then that’s fine! Attraction is never going to be 50/50. Liking one gender more than another is pretty normal. As far as your crush on this guy, there’s a couple ways you can pursue him. If you’re friends with him, then you could continue to get closer to him and eventually let him know how you feel. If you aren’t friends with him, then either try to or possibly message him. It’s really all up to how comfortable you are with him. Getting comfortable with liking guys after your past experience is not going to be a linear process. It will be hard and take effort, but it’s not going to be impossible. It will get easier. This might sound silly, but one thing that might help is making a list of the things you like about this guy. You’ll get the chance to really sit with your feelings and break them down little by little. The last thing I’ll leave you with is, take your time. Take all the time you need. There is no countdown or rush.
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