“I have a friend that I’ve been avoiding lately because of a misunderstanding. I want to talk again but I think I messed it up. What do I do?”
Margot here! Thank you for being willing to share this! You know, this hits a little close to home for me. A couple of months ago, I reached out to an old friend with who I felt I had ruined our friendship. We had known each other since 7th grade and have had an on-and-off relationship. Last year, I had completely cut ties with her because of a misunderstanding I believed was her fault.
Through that experience, it took a lot for me to realize that any issue is never one sided. There are several parts that come into play. It always takes more than one factor to create a problem. The growth and understanding I had to bestow upon myself took time. As I previously mentioned, I got to a point where I decided to reach out to the friend and attempt to mend our broken relationship. Luckily, she found it in herself to listen to me. We became inseparable!
With the gain of a friend, I also went through the experience of losing one too. I had a friendship where we were very close. In contrast, when it came to vulnerability and having urgent talks, things would often seem one-sided.
We made the decision to split because of the disagreement we had on the emotional topic. The biggest take away was that he didn’t like “needy” I was. I didn’t appreciate how he made me feel unseen and unheard. After some thinking, I had to understand that there was no way that I could change his mind on the issue; There was no way he could change mine.
It’s important to understand that some people are the way they are– A common misconception with growth is change. People can always grow, but people never have to change who they are to make themselves “better” for others.
You shouldn’t have to carry the burden of making the moves because you think the problem. Along the same lines, you can always learn (to grow) from this experience, but you shouldn’t force yourself to change for anyone. Communication and understanding is of the utmost importance when in terms of building relationships of any kind.
You should make an attempt in talking to the person. It’s always a good idea to reach out and be bold to people you have a drive of solving things with. It may be scary, but you can do it!
The worst possible thing that can happen is the possibility of a negative reaction to what you’re saying. If anything, that should show you their true colors. Remember you shouldn’t feel tied down to this friend.
It's necessary to go out to make connections with others who enjoy you the way you enjoy others. It helps build a support system for you and the people you care about.
I’ll also be blunt, you’re in Middle/High School! You have the rest of your life to make lasting connections! Don’t let one bad friendship dictate you other ones or the way you think. I hope you utilize this information and continue to learn and grow throughout the school year!
(Image courtesy of Pexels)